Will My Nonverbal Autistic Child Ever Speak?
“Is my child ever going to speak??” I’ve heard this question so many times over the years from parents I work with who have nonverbal neurodiverse toddlers and older children. Sadly, the truth is not usually what they want to hear: There’s no way to know for sure.
Instead of asking this question that is impossible to answer, I encourage them to shift their mindset and ask a different question that gets at their deeper concern: “Am I going to communicate with my child?” Although I still cannot give a concrete answer, I can help them discover ways to move the needle closer to communicating with their nonverbal neurodiverse child.
We all want to communicate well with our children. When we understand each other there is more ease and peace in the home, and everyone feels more understood. It’s a win-win.
As parents to neurodiverse kids with special needs, you and I know all too well that communication can be a struggle. Whether your child has autism, Down syndrome, ADHD, dyslexia, or any number of other neurodiverse diagnosis, their ability to communicate on a “typical” timeline and in the usual ways may be diminished.
This typically begins with speech delays. While traditional milestones have children speaking their first words around 12 months old, neurodiverse children may begin speaking much later.
In this article, I’ll share the different terminology, interventions, and mindset shifts that are helpful when raising a nonverbal autistic child, or any nonverbal neurodivergent child.
Nonverbal vs. Nonspeaking
One thing we know for sure: speaking and learning language is a process. It’s an ongoing journey that continues to evolve as we grow, and one where the learning compounds, building on each previously learned skill.
Children move through many stages as they learn to speak. From cooing, to babbling, to speaking their first words, to creating short sentences, to asking questions, to identifying letters, to creating longer sentences. Anywhere along this process a child may experience a delay for a number of reasons, including:
“Nonverbal” and “nonspeaking” are two ways to describe people who do not use spoken language to communicate.
The term nonverbal has been used for decades, while nonspeaking is a newer term that is being used more often by advocates. Many of the people supporting this change recognize that “nonverbal” is often mistakenly understood by the general population to mean not having any understanding of language. Which is, of course, not the case. Communication occurs in multiple modalities, not just spoken language.
As in everything, words matter. The language we use to describe ourselves and other has a tremendous effect on us all. When marginalized communities self-elect the words they want used to describe them, it can be very empowering.
Nonverbal Autism
It’s estimated that around 40% of people diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder have Nonverbal Autism. While these children may have significant speech delays and/or be unable to use language at all, this does not mean there is a cognitive development. In fact, some studies show a correlation between autism and high intelligence.
A nonverbal autistic child may make sounds but cannot form words, or use single words to communicate bigger ideas, or not use any sounds to communicate. It often all begins with a speech delay. Most parents who come to me with a nonverbal autistic child want to know why their child isn’t talking and if they ever will.
I can relate. My son, Sean did not begin to talk at the “usual” time. We weren’t sure if the delay was related to his sensorineural hearing loss but knew some sort of intervention was needed. So, he began speech therapy with a therapist who focused on the Ling Sound Test. Unfortunately, this method did not prove helpful. When he was still not talking at 16 months, we got referred to a new therapist specializing in PROMPT therapy, which helped turned things around.
We were lucky to have access to services. Also, it took a lot of advocating on our part to get him the RIGHT services. I never push a specific type of therapy for other parents. I’m a strong believer in doing your own research and finding the best science-backed intervention to meet the needs of your child. In the end, you know your child best.
For Sean, PROMPT therapy was the right answer, but it wasn’t a quick fix. Five years of weekly speech therapies later we have finally graduated (in part because he is now receiving services in school) and Sean uses vocal verbal language to communicate. He still struggled with functional communication, especially when it comes to self-regulation, coping, and social-emotional interactions. Sometimes, in a hard moment I look at him and realize how hard he’s worked to get where he is. I’m so proud of how far he’s come and of the skills he’s gained to help him continue on the process of speaking and using language.
Nonverbal with Other Neurodiverse Diagnosis
Every neurodiverse diagnosis is different and comes with its own set of challenges. When it comes to speech and language, there can be physical, mental, and social-emotional reasons that children are nonverbal.
My brother, Mikey, has Down syndrome and does not use spoken language to communicate. Despite a team of experts and a long list of tests and interventions, he was never able to learn to speak. Instead, he communicates through gestures and expressions paired with sounds, adapted signs, and facial expressions.
Growing up with Mikey, I was along for the ride as my parents tried may different communication methods. They took ASL classes, used pictures and symbols to teach Mikey what everyday items were called, and brought in a variety of speech language pathologists over the years.
At the time I didn’t realize the importance of these interventions. Even though now, 38 years later, Mikey still cannot speak with words, he has his own unique communication method that combines sounds, gestures, adapted ASL, and his loving, fun personality. The truth is each tool my parents exposed Mikey to taught him a bit more about how to communicate.
Interventions and Tools
Just because your child is not talking doesn’t mean they won’t. That said, my recommendation to concerned parents is always: Don’t wait. Intervene as soon as possible. This is largely because there are so many significant developmental milestones that occur before the age of five and each one is a building block for another.
Eye contact is a great example of this. If a child is not demonstrating eye contact, that means they are at a disadvantage to moving on to understanding many social cues. So much of our nonverbal social-emotional communication is rooted in eye contact.
This same building-block process applies to language and functional communication. Learning sounds and letters is a prerequisite for learning words which is a prerequisite for learning sentences and so on. This was something I didn’t fully appreciate until helping my son through his language difficulties. Even as a former special education teacher and current BCBA, I never explicitly learned about the speech development process. Only as a parent did I come to understand which sounds come first, which are harder to produce, and how to teach sound blends to I could help him continue to develop outside of therapy sessions.
Once you determine that an intervention is needed, what else can you do? You’ll likely be looking for tools to use at home/school that can help your nonverbal child progress in their language development. Here are a few places to start.
**If you’re feeling overwhelmed and look for a personal approach to helping your neurodivergent child manage challenging behavior, gain more life skills, or improve their communication, I’ve got you. I would love to get to know a bit about you and your family. Schedule a Discovery Call and we’ll see if parenting coaching is a good match for you.
Assistive Tech
With new technology comes new tools for our non vocal verbal neurodiverse children. If you’re looking for some help outside of therapy sessions to make communicating easier at home, you may consider an app. It’s often the best place to start when incorporating tech into your routines.
However, if your child has significate motor-speech issues and is struggling to make progress in speech therapy, you may want to consider an Augmentative and Alternative Communication tool (AAC). Learning to use AAC can be an empowering way for your child to have more self-expression.
Signs/Pictures/Flashcards
For many children, using pictures/symbols/flashcards to help them learn language is incredibly effective. And it’s no different for nonverbal neurodiverse children. Making the connection between an everyday item and a word and a picture is a concrete way to help your child learn more vocabulary, which will help them communicate their needs and wants more easily.
When I was growing up, we had pictures and words taped all over our kitchen. Not only did this help Mikey learn the words for things, it also helped him learn where various snacks and foods were kept. If I’m being honest, those little signs ended up being ripped off the cabinets and thrown on the floor more than once. But in the end, Mikey learned ways to communicate about all of those items.
Baby Sign Language & ASL
There are many people who cannot speak and instead use sign language to communicate. Early on, baby sign language may be a good place to start instead of jumping right into American Sign Language (ASL) because of its simplistic approach.
Another option is Signed Exact English (SEE). It’s similar to ASL but, modeled more specifically on English with familiar sentence structure, tenses, etc. Although it’s not used as widely, it can be a helpful way to learn more about the structure of the English language.
Using a sign-based language is not right for every family. There can be a steep learning curve, and it can also require good motor skills and dexterity.
Gestures
While ASL or other sign languages may not be a good fit, chances are your child will innately begin communicating with gestures and perhaps even develop their own hand signs for various words. Encouraging your child to use gestures to communicate is an excellent way to help them boost their language development. Using gestures yourself to communicate with them is one way to get the ball rolling. Just because they are not speaking the words doesn’t mean they aren’t learning them!
Four Ways to Help Your Child Communicate Better
1. Take the pressure off of vocal communication
Easier said than done, right? I’m not saying to give up on vocal communication, however, making a mindset shift to take the pressure off can be a HUGE help if you’re feeling stuck. You can hope for vocal communication down the line AND turn your focus to general communication for now. Remember that the ultimate goal is communication. You want your child to be able to express themselves, ask for what they want and need, and find some independence. All of this is possible even if they remain nonverbal their whole life.
2. Meet them where they are
Get curious about how they are communicating now. Are they pointing, hand leading, making certain sounds? It is in our nature as humans to reach for connection and communication. Anything your child is doing to express themselves is their way of trying to connect with you. Encourage their communication with reinforcing language and gestures.
3. Build on what’s working (while offering opportunities for them to expand)
As they grow and mature, continue to ask yourself, “What’s working?” Focus on the successes and on how you can expand them. For instance, if you child loves drawing, encourage them to use drawing as a way to ask for what they need. Most of all, remember that taking a both/and approach is often the most effective. Reinforce what’s working and keep introducing new tools to help them expand their capacity.
4. Collaboration of care
As a parent, you are the only one seeing the full picture of your child’s care. Find ways for that team to get on the same page and work together. So often each professional on a team will be working towards one specific goal without seeing the big picture. This not only leaves you and the child confused, but ultimately slows does progress. The whole team needs to be working together to accomplish the same set of goals on the same timeline. You will likely be the one who needs to advocate to make this happen.
Takeaways
As someone who specializes in helping children change behavior, there is one thing that I know is most important: consistency. When it comes to learning to communicate, this rings so true. If we have a child, for instance, who uses an AAC, remember that it is literally their words. It must be with them at all times. It can’t be left in a backpack or at school. Finding a way to keep the device on them is a critical part to helping them succeed.
When my brother, Mikey, was a child in school, his team tried so many tools to help him communicate. Ultimately, most of them were too much effort to become a regular routine. If, in order to go to the bathroom, he had to reach under his desk, flip to a page, scan the page to find the picture of “bathroom” and then point to it, he wasn’t going to do it. Not when he could easily just get up and go to the bathroom. Over time his teacher figured out that a button near the door marked “bathroom” was a better way for Mikey to communicate where he was going and eliminate the need to run after him.
Like everything, communication is a journey and one that we all approach in our own way. Understanding the tools available and the ways to help your child communicate better will ease the stress on the whole family.
Looking for one-on-one help? I’m a parenting coach specifically for parents of neurodiverse kids and I can’t wait to help you find more calm and peace in your home. Schedule a free chat to see if we’re a good fit.
